


Gnossienne

by 1dasfudge



Category: The Beatles
Genre: 1963, 1964, Early Days, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-05-27 23:49:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15035981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1dasfudge/pseuds/1dasfudge
Summary: Let's just say George was the first to find out that Brian was... Different.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Gnossienne  
> n. a moment of awareness that someone you’ve known for years still has a private and mysterious inner life, and somewhere in the hallways of their personality is a door locked from the inside.
> 
> Based on the popular true story of Brian showing George his childhood home after lunch at the Cavern.

George would describe the sandwiches that he’s eating as stomach filler, they were no more than edible concrete.  Then again the Cavern’s food wasn’t known for it’s sandwiches. Still he swallowed them down, hating every bitter taste. It was nice for Brian to invite the band for lunch. He wasn’t planning on doing anything today anyway. But now that he has, technically, done something we wants to do more. However, he is the only one without a car, in fact he walked to the Cavern in the hot June heat. He was done with his sandwiches now, he’s always done first. He attentively listened to the others conversations. He laughed at John’s joke, he snached a chip from Paul’s plate, and drank Ringo’s water when he wasn’t looking of course. Brian saw all of this. He would smile at himself whenever George did that. He finds it adorable that the youngest one thought he was sly. Everybody finished now. They began to push their chairs in and make their way to their cars. Paul rode with John, Ringo drove alone. George was about to take his long strenuous walk back to his house when Brian put his hand on George’s shoulder. 

“Do you want a ride home?”

“Yeah, I’d like one.” 

Without hesitation George climbed into Brian's car, and adjusted his tie. Brian followed soon after and put the car in drive. As the car engine drove down the lone Liverpool roads, George loved the roaring winds that twirled in his short brown hair. Then realization struck him. He doesn’t really know Brian all that well. Yes, he’s their manager but he doesn’t even know where Brian lives. But Brian knows where they all live, their parents like him a lot. It just occurred to George.

“Where do you live? If you mind me asking.”

Without taking his eyes off the road Brian said, “Speke.”

“Where on Earth is that?”

“It’s still in Liverpool.” Brian beamed.

“Can we go there? It’s only One and I don’t want to go home just yet.”

Brian took a quick glance at George and without questioning him he said, “Very well then.”

He took a detour and headed straight. During the car ride George asked even more questions like, “Do you have a family business?” And “Do you like cats?” 

“Where do you see yourself in five years?”

“Still managing the band I presume.”

“Are we there yet?”

“Not necessarily.” They ended up driving through the leafy environs of Childwall. “This is where I grew up.”

They pulled up to the house on Queen’s Drive. It was large, certainly, almost intimidatingly so. The paintwork on the trim was brilliant white, flawless and the path wound to a double oak front door. The floors were polished and the furniture was divine, very high end.

“You lived _here_?”

“My whole family did. Care to take a look with me?” George followed Brian without a word. They both went up stairs and entered Brian’s old room. It looked like he left it the same when he left. It was simple, he still had books on the floor from his college days. On the wall there was a framed diploma.

“It’s nice that you went to college. I didn’t even finish.” George was going to make his way out and explore more of the house but then Brian stopped him.

“Cigarette?”

George turned around and took it. “Ta.”

Brian lit the cigarette and watched as George took a puff. Brian then pulls George in a little closer into the room. George looked at his eyes. His eyes are so different than most men, it’s more soft. The professional man is gone and instead it is the eyes of one who loves deeply. George dropped his gaze as Brian pulled him in a little closer. George didn’t pull away. He didn’t want to be pulled away.

“George, you’re good?”

“Uh huh.”

“Good.” Brian leaned in ever so slightly, George didn’t object.

“In the privacy of our own home! How professional Brian!”

The two instantly pulled away George had his back turned to the man in the doorway. Hands shaking as he puffed his cigarette.

“What the Hell are you doing here, Clive?”

“Oh, I’m here to collect some papers for the store. What are you doing? _Him_?” Clive crossed his arms and tapped his foot.

“Christ, can we not do this today? I was showing him around.”

“No, I don’t think so! I thought we talked about this Brian! You need to control your urges!”

“We _did_ talk about it and we _didn’t_ do anything!”

“You are alone in a house with a boy Brian! What else can that say?”

George just stood there, smoking a cigarette, befuddled by the commotion. It all makes sense now. The argument continued on for a couple more seconds the Brian had enough. He grabbed George’s wrist and exited the home, ignoring his brother’s pleas. Once in the car Brian fished for his keys in his pocket and attempted to start the car. George clasped his hands with Brian.

“You’re tense. Breathe.”

Brian took two deep breaths and started the car. The remainder of the drive to Speke was uncomfortable, silent.

“Brian, you always said that we can talk to you about anything. I think it’s time for you to tell me what’s happening here. Are you…”

“Yes.”

It was silent again.

“I must have a little bit of what you have because I didn’t back off.” George chuckled and Brian managed to smile.

It was silent again.

“Clive’s younger than you, isn’t he?” George wondered. 

Brian, seized with self-loathing, could only nod. 

“Well, he shouldn’t talk to you like that.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens in Speke stays in Speke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this is the first time I wrote anything near dirty. Probably the last, I'm not used to this lol. However, I will continue this story so stay tuned! :)

George tried his very hardest to make small talk after that whole ordeal that happened ten minutes ago. It was tough but Brian pulled through, answering George’s simple questions. They reached his home in Speke. The home was smaller than the family home. Inside were a fireplace, a table, one chair, and a cupboard. There were a few baskets lying around, one with dirty clothes, and a tin pail. There wasn’t a lamp, and there was no candles.

“Kinda dark in here innit?”

“I prefer being in the dark.”

“Then how can you see to get ready?”

“The sunlight.”

“You do realize we live in England? There’s barely any sun!” They both chuckled at their silliness.

“Can I see your bedroom?”

“By all means.” Brian gestured to the stairs.

George climbed up the steps but Brian didn’t follow this time. There was only one bedroom upstairs so it must be Brian’s. It was plain. Just his drawer, a mirror, and a bed. George took a seat on the bed and fiddled with his fingers, he wishes he had a cigarette. He turns to his right because something caught his eye. Something under the pillow. George reaches for it. It’s a journal, recently used and everything. George shouldn’t be snooping but he flipped to a random page and began to read.

 

> _ There are certain things I cannot change. Why can’t my family see that? “Control your urges” They say. How can I when this world is filled with such fine young men? One day I’m going to snap. One day I will regret doing something… _

 

“Regret doing what?” George wondered out loud.

Footsteps echoed off the walls and george flinched. He tucked the journal back where it was and fiddled with his fingers again.

“Well there’s nothing to see in here.” Brian beamed.

George smiled back. “I know, but I just wanted to see your bedroom.”

“And do what?”

There he goes again with that look in his eyes. Two can play at this game. Seduction was what George did best, he moved into Brian's personal space with just the right look of heat in his eyes. He didn't just look at a man, he looked into him as if he knew his desires.

“I wanted to do what I wanted to do at your childhood home.” George looked at Brian’s lips for a split second. The kiss came with the smooth touch of his body, poised, just the right blend of relaxation and tension. Their bodies fit together as if they were made just for this, to feel the natural passion. He lays George down and lets him fall with a soft bounce on the bed. They lock eyes for just a moment, just enough for them to feel safe with one another. Then he's all business, undoing George’s shoes, jeans, pulling them off, kissing from his toes upward, slowly, his hands on his legs, always just a little higher than the kisses. George arches his back in anticipation, knowing where his fingers will soon reach. His head rocks back against the pillow as he does, the first moan escaping his lips.

 

-

 

George woke up tangled with Brian. George felt scared. That was the first time he did anything with a guy. He sits up suddenly, every thought in high definition. What does this mean? Does he like both? What time is it?  Brian stirs awake. 

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine just… I need to go home. I don’t want my folks to worry.”

Brian sat up. “Of course. W-we’ll get ready. Right now.” They both rolled off the bed and gathered their wrinkled clothing. On the ride back from Speke, it was Brian’s turn to try and make George talk. George wan’t ignoring him, he was just thinking.

“Do you regret it?”

“What?”

“Do you regret what happened? At my house?”

“No… what happened was great. We’re good. It’s just… it happened so soon. Like that wasn’t me back there… I wanted it to be special.”

Brian didn’t say anything for the remainder of the ride back. They pulled up to George’s house.

“Let’s just keep this between you and me. Please?”

“Yes, of course.” Brian smiled

“I’m happy you understand.” George leaned in and gave him a quick peck goodbye.

George peers in. Da was on the couch reading his paper, Mum was in the kitchen. 

“Harold, is that George?” Louise called.

Harold looks up from his paper. “Yes dear.”

His mother peaks his head in from the kitchen and takes one long look at the boy.

“Where have you been? You missed supper.”

“I was with Brian… I wanted to see his house.”

“You wanted to see his house?” Louise squinted.

“Yeah, you trust me with this man and I’ve never seen his house so I did, after lunch at the Cavern.”

She took another look at him. It was like she was scanning him.

“Very well then. Go sleep, you look tired.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like it? :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As filming A Hard Day's Night, Brian takes John to see a man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things switch up a bit! ;)

Like George wanted they kept it between themselves. They kissed behind closed doors sometimes even more. As this went on The Beatles went on to be the biggest band ever. With such hectic schedules George and Brian’s time was cut short. John always joked with Brian, it’s his defense mechanism sometimes. It’s 1964 now and they’re filming A Hard Day’s Night. During a lunch break Brian squeezed his way through the crew and the extras to reach the boys. George’s heart fluttered at the sight of him. 

“John you’re coming with me, there’s someone you need to meet.”

George and Paul exchanged a look. What does he want with John?

“Very well then, I’ll see you lot later.” John gets up and brushes the crumbs off his suit and left with Brian.

“Wonder what’s that about.” Paul sipped his milk.

“I’m sure they’re fine.” George said.

“Oh, I’m sure. Um, George?”

“Yeah?”

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with Brian lately.”

“Not that much time.”

“Are you going over some manager stuff with him or something?”

“Well, no, I mean he is a mate of ours so I talk you him like a mate.”

“Uh huh.” Paul said suspiciously.

“Interesting.” Ringo sipped his tea.

 

Meanwhile in a car ride to God knows what Brian says, “When we get there, I want you to compose yourself.”

“You’re asking a lot for me to compose myself. Where are we going anyway?”

“A man wants to meet you.”

“Why just me?”

“He’s a fan of you.”

“Brian just tell me-”

“We’re here!” They pulled up to the offices of NEMS Enterprises. They climbed up to the fifth floor and walked down the long hallway.

“This better be worth it.” John mumbled. He turned the knob that would consist of the man Brian wants him to desperately meet. There stood the man. A man he didn't meet in 17 years. John turned back to Brian.

“Surprise.”

John turned back to the man. Alf.

“What do _you_ want?” His knuckles were  white from clenching his fist too hard, and gritted teeth from effort to remain silent.

“John I know it’s been years but I’m here now to makes things right.”

“To make things right? You didn’t even go to mum’s funeral!”

“I wasn’t aware that she died. Listen Jonny I heard your voice on the radio, I never heard your voice in 17 years but I knew it was you! Who knew that you would make it this far?” 

“Mum did. Mimi did. Everybody in this bloody family knew I would. Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be in New Zealand with your other family? How’s Victoria?”

“John, please don’t be cruel to me.”

“How can I not? You left us for broke!”

“Did Julia ever told you why? John I wanted to be there for you since day one. I was always away in the sea you know this! Julia wanted me gone!”

“And you should've stayed gone. I never want to see your face again! Get out!” He sucked at the air like it had suddenly become thick and was now almost too difficult to draw in.

“No! I’m staying right here!”

“FUCK OFF!” He finally exploded, he went straight for him pummelling, hitting, kicking, biting. Brian ran over to them, prying John off of the father.

“Fuck you too!” John shoved Brian out of his was and headed straight out. John waited in the car as Brian returned. Brian didn’t say anything as John told him off.

“You had no right. You had no bloody right to get him here! I told you from the beginning My relationship with my father in nonexistent! I never wanted to see him again and then you just go and…” John exhaled.

“He came here.”

“What?”

“Alf came here to see you on his own. I thought all those years of resentment was over, clearly I was wrong. He truly loves you John.”

“Sod off up.”

“He apologized to you.”

“Bloody Hell, Epstein.”

“One day it might be too late for you to forgive him.”

“He left me! Don’t you understand that? HE! LEFT! ME!” John cried as if his brain was being shredded from the inside. Emotional pain flowed out of his every pore. He grabbed onto Brian to control his violent shaking. The last time he cried this hard was at his mother’s funeral.

“I’m so sorry, John.” John ignored his apology and wailed even more into his damp suit. “I’ll make it up to you.”

 

They returned back to set. John had already wiped his tears away but you can obviously see what happened on Brian’s suit. They were shooting John’s solo scene. John put on his hat and got to his place. The others watched on behind the camera. George sat next to Brian. He squinted to see what was on his neck, then realization hit him. That wasn’t a birthmark. It was a hickey.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George can't decide between Pattie or Brian. He makes up his mind at 10 o'clock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short delay! My right hand started to hurt really bad so I took a break. Enjoy! :)

His mind was sent reeling, unable to comprehend or process the image that was being sent by his eyes. He looked away, then looked back to see if it was still there. It was. Looking back already he can see he was a  fool the entire time. He looked forward and watched John act. He did it. He gave him the hickey. George knows John. He knows his ways of manipulating men. George can just see it now. Brian’s hot breath on John’s neck, the tender brush of his lips. Burning as they make contact with the younger boy’s neck. Brian’s hand runs through John’s hair, as the kisses become harder and more urgent. George shudders at the thought.

“And cut! John that was very nice!” The director shouts.

“Just wait till I get my Oscar.” John replied. He stepped out of set and walked straight to Paul. “How’d I do, darling?”

“Wonderful Johnny.” Paul cups John’s cheeks. “What’s that?” Paul pointed to Johns neck.

“Huh?” John feels his neck. “Oh, I got bit by this bug when I left.”

“A bug?”

“Yeah, hurt like a bitch.”

Perhaps George ought just to play along. Think it’s a bug bite or birthmark… Or a hickey. 

“George!” He flinched and turned around. It was Pattie. This situation with Brian is great but he wasn’t sure how long it would last. He met Pattie filming a scene and she took his breath away.

“Pattie.”

“I thought you’d be more happy to see me?”

“I am. Just tired.” More like thinking about a guy.

“Oh, well I’m wrapped for the movie… And I broke up with my boyfriend.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. I’m staying at the hotel across from you. My room number is 636. I’ll see you tonight.” George watched as she skipped away.They wrapped for the day and entered the car to take them back to the hotel. While Paul and Ringo was in a conversation of their own, George was debating if he should see Pattie or Brian. He likes Pattie, but at the same time he needs to figure out why Brian had a hickey in the first place. Meanwhile in the car ride back to the hotel John asked Brian,

“Hey Eppy, I want to talk to you about what happened earlier today, mind if I see you around 10?” Eppy? Now they have pet names?

“10 sounds good.” Brian said without batting an eye. George got a little irritated. A little jealous. John just make a corny joke and the car was filled with laughter. Brian was giggling from the front seat, unmanly it is, his muscles were shaking and tears stream from his half closed eyes. George didn’t laugh. He rolled his eyes and rested his head against the window. They arrived at their hotel and they scurried quickly into the nearest lift. John was still making the others laugh and George still don't laugh.

“Christ George who pissed in your cereal today?” John asked.

“No one did and don’t worry about it. Just tired.” More like thinking about what’s happening in room 163.

10 rolled around and George made a decision, he was going to see Pattie. He put on his largest trench coat and cracked him door open. No one was in the hallway. He made a break for it briskly walking down the hall.

“George?” He stopped dead in his tracks. It was John. He turned to face him.

“Yes?”

“Where are you going?”

“To, uh, see someone?”

“At 10?”

“I mean aren't you seeing Brian at 10?”

“Your point?  I thought you were tired? And you’re actually going somewhere with your shoes and trench coat… Wait… you’re going to see that bird with the blonde hair?!”

George sighed. “Yes.”

“Oh well, I won’t stop you. Have fun.” John walked past George and entered room 163. Brian’s room. George began to walk but that room was holding him back. He stood by the door, listening. He heard voices inside. He listened intently.

 

_ “Eppy look what happened today…” _

_ “Was incredibly uncalled for, I know. I took advantage of you and made you vulnerable and-” _

_ “Eppy! It’s okay. In fact I loved what happened back in the car.  _ _ We just don’t tell anyone. I don’t want Paul or Cyn or anyone to know.” _

_ “...Okay then. Come here.” _

 

That’s when George stepped back from the door. He was mad. He felt like a fool into thinking his relationship with Brain was going to last. He still had some place to be.

Pattie was in her robe, sitting on the couch with a glass of wine. She’s beginning to thing George had other plans. She heard two knocks on her door. She rushed to the door. There stood George wrapped in his black trench coat, kind of sweating from the job across the street.

“I came as soon as they were asleep.”

She smiled, gap in full view. “Then come here.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth is told.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, a longer chapter! This could be the second to last chapter, I don't know yet. Enjoy! :)

George, John, Brian, and Ringo all gathered on the round white table and organized breakfast. After his night with Pattie George slipped out right when she fell asleep. He didn’t really get that much sleep that night. He keeps thinking about Brian and John becoming a thing when him and Brian was a thing first. Did he drive him away? Was the fact that he wanted their relationship to become a secret the reason why he left him for John? What did John have that George didn’t? Jokes? Confidence? What could it be? Does this mean he was, technically, cheated on? I mean they weren't “together” But it still hurt him.

“Morning.” Paul’s rough morning voice made John jump a little. He slumped on a chair next to John and hooked his arm with John’s. “Where were you last night?” Paul glanced at Brian. He kept his head down, eating his cereal.

“Pass the juice?” Ringo asked Paul.  Paul slid the orange juice across the table.

“I told you I was going to Brian’s room to discuss what happened yesterday.”

“All night?”

“I fell asleep on his couch, I can’t control my sleeping schedule Paul.”

Paul fell silent and unhooked his arm with John’s. George felt like a bad friend. He should’ve told Paul everything. He doesn’t know how though. How can he tell his friend that he had multiple flings with Brian. How can he tell Paul that John is cheating on him with Brian? Brian. Fucking Brian. He really can’t control his urges. He needed to talk to all of them. Today. He had time, it was an off day. Starting with John.

 

When they all returned back into their hotel rooms George quietly followed John back into his room.

“Hey Johnny, before you go back to your room, mind if we had a little chat? Down in the reception room?”

He turned around. “Sure.” They both went down the lift and sat down on a long brown table. It was just the two of them with a bunch of uncovered chairs and tables.

“What do you want to talk about?” John faced George, cross legged.

“What happened yesterday? When you left lunch?”

“Oh,  _ lunch _ . I saw my dad again.”

“Al?”

“Yeah, it wasn’t the best reunion.”

“What happened after that?”

“I stormed out and waited in the car. Brian came back and  I ended up crying on him it was a mess.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s all that happened.” John shrugged.

George scoffed. “That’s a lie.”

“Huh?”

George faced John now. “Obviously something else happened. You got a damn hickey John don’t even try to deny it!”

John covers the exposed hickey. “Okay. Fine. Something happened. We didn’t do it though.”

“Bullshit.”

“It’s the truth! We just necked. Why do you care so much anyway?”

“Because…” He forgot about an excuse. “Paul is the longest friend I have. I wanted to find out because he knows your lying.”

“Now, that’s a lie. You don’t think your ears go red when you lie? Now you tell me the truth!”

George sighed. “Fine. Me and Brian… We did things first. I found out he was gay and we did it in his home in Speke! There’s your damn truth.”

John was stunned. Then a rumble of laughter spilled out of his mouth. “You think  _ you _ were the first? Oh Georgie,  _ I _ was the first.”

“What?”

“Remember that trip to Santa Cruz, Tenerife? With you, Paul, and Richie?”

“Yes. You stayed home and helped Cynthia with Julian.”

“Did I though? I was too arrogant to look over my own son that I went to Spain with Brian. You know me, I always find a way to go into some pants. I went in Brian’s. All damn day, all damn night.”

George was speechless. “W-why?”

“Because I felt lonely, I wasn’t satisfied with what I had. Why do you think I left Cynthia alone with Julian when I was in Spain with Brian?”

“You cheated on Cynthia with Paul!”

“Don’t you dare switch this! Paul is different you know that, I known him longer.”

“Then why would you cheat on Paul with Brian?”

“He gives me a different idea. I can go to with with no worries, no responsibility. Why did you fuck Brian, huh? What’s your reason?”

George thought about it. Why did he sleep with Brian. Was it lust? Was it the thrill of something exciting? Was it even real love? George felt the tears gather in his eyes. “I… I don’t know.”

John pulled George in for a hug. “I know. He makes you feel special. That’s how he does it.”

“Why would he cheat on me with you?” George squeezes John tighter.

“Now that I can’t tell you. You have to ask him that.”

George pulls away from the hug and hops off the table.

“George, don’t tell Paul… not yet.” George nods at John and leaves him alone in the reception room. 

 

Now he needed to talk to Brian. Once he was at his door he knocked rather loudly and frantically. Brian opened the door with his bed head still messy.

“George?”

“I need to talk to you. Right now.” Brian let him in and they both sat on the couch John supposedly slept on.

“Do you love me?”

“Of course I do. I love every single one of you.” Brian put his arm around George.

“I mean, what am I to you? Why did we even start this affair?”

“Because we truly have feelings for each other.”

“And you have feelings for John.” George felt Brian’s arm tense. “Don’t even try to lie to me about your hickey, or Spain. John already told me everything. So I’ll ask again. Why did we start this affair? Brian didn’t say a word. “I think I kissed you because of what you did to me earlier. You drove me around Liverpool, you showed me your childhood home, you answered my annoying questions? Maybe that was your trick. You make me like you, you go in my pants.”

“It wasn't like that! I genuinely like you George.”

“Then why cheat on me! Why did you make me feel special then go off and make out with John?” George felt the tears escape his eyes. He didn’t care. He wanted to make Brian see him hurting.

“Because it was the situation! John was crying and we were touching and we weren't this close in a long time. This whole situation with you and me was like on hold or something!”

“That doesn’t mean you go make out with someone else!”

“I thought I was being careful!” There was a long silence. “I just feel like I’m making excuses. George, I did not mean to hurt you in anyway but, it happened and there’s nothing I can do to fix it.” Brian put his face in his hands.

“There’s one thing you can do. You can kiss this relationship goodbye. I’m done here. To me, you are strictly my friend and the manager. Nothing else.” George exited the room without another word. He wiped his tears away.

 

“George there you are!” To his left was Paul jogging to him. “I looked for you everywhere. Can we talk in my room?” Paul asked, out of breath.

“Sure.” They entered Paul’s shared room with John. Paul lays down on one side, George joins him on the other side.

“We haven’t spoke this way since ‘62.” Paul giggled and George smiled. “I just wanted to know what’s going on with you… Were you crying earlier? Your eyes are red. George what’s wrong?”

“Paul, for a while I’ve been keeping something from you and the others.” George sniffled as Paul rubbed his back. “Me and Brian had this thing for like a year, it ended just now.”

“When did it start?”

“His home in Speke. Back in ‘63.”

“Oh George, I’m sorry. Why did it end?”

George gulped. “Because of John.”

Paul froze. “John?”

“Paul, that ‘bugbite’ John told you about? It was a hickey. When he left lunch yesterday, he met his dad and it didn’t end well. When he waited for Brian to return to the car he cried in Brian’s arms. Things just escalated from there.”

Paul was already in tears. “I knew it. I knew it all along. I knew ever since his trip to Spain.”

“You knew?”

“In exchange of telling Cynthia the truth about me and John she told me about Spain. God, why did I stay?” Paul hiccupped into his pillow.

“There’s no problem with you staying.” George’s tears was thick and fast at the sight of his crying mate.  Paul’s hysteria was so strong, so wild.

“You ended things with Brian when you found out! I can’t bring myself to lose John I just can’t!”

“Then that’s the difference between me and you.” George pulled Paul in for a hug and let him weep into his chest.

“What do I do when he finally admits it?”

“Fake being shocked, make a scene, make up with him. Simple.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life flows on within you and without you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alas, the ending of this story. Thank you so much for reading, I loved writing it. Be sure to check up on new things I'll post in the future! Enjoy! :)

After that exhausting day, The Beatles continued to dominate the world. Since Paul found out that John cheated again he spent more time with Jane. George moved on completely and ended up marrying Pattie. John ended up telling Paul that he did in fact cheat on him twice and Paul did what George wanted him to do. Faked being shocked, made a scene, and made up with him. Brian ended his relations with John, though he severely regrets cheating on George with John. Everybody still liked Brian as a manager and a friend, and Brian was okay with that. However he was still lonely. His best relationships with men were John and George and now he was neither. Each day he grew more tired, more messy. He just didn’t care anymore. Ever since the Beatles stopped touring, he felt more useless. Sometimes he’d find himself at the recording studio in Abbey Road just looking at the band having the time of their lives recording something insanely new like Sgt. Pepper.  He had used amphetamines from the earliest days with the band, but his use of pills became an increasing problem as he became more involved in the London drug scene, but he tried to kick his drug habit. For himself and the boys. 

 

He decided to go to Abbey Road to see the boys again, but he couldn’t bring himself to go down there. The band was in their own world recording Luck in the Sky with Diamonds.

“Oh go on, talk to them for a bit.” George Martin turned around in his swivel chair. “They keep asking me when your coming back.”

“They don’t need me. They need you.” Brian leaned back on his chair.

“Don’t say that. Your still their manager, you founded them!”

“Indeed I did but, I don’t know I just feel out of placed.”

“Your never out of place with them. Now get your sorry arse down there!”

Brian chuckled. “Fine, I will.” Brian slowly went down the stairs as the boys playfully bickered with each other.

“What is this ‘Maharishi’ you keep talking about?” John asked.

“When me and Pattie went to india for holiday, everybody was talking about this guy who practices this cool technique of Transcendental Meditation. Maybe once we’re done with this album, we can invite some friends and all go.”

“That sounds fun!” Paul clapped his hands.

“Sounds interesting, I’ll go.” Ringo shrugged.

“It does sound interesting.” Brian said walking in.

“Brian!” They all exclaimed. They ran full speed at the manager. Brian tried to hide his blush in the group hug. He had no idea we was missed that much.

“We’re thinking of going to India for a while. You have to come with us Brian!” George said muffled into Brian’s chest.

“Yeah please Eppy its been years since we all been to a holiday all together. It’ll be nice.” John replied.

They all started to beg and Brian thought about it. His mind was shouting that they didn’t want him. Eventually he caved in to the mind.

“I don’t know lads. I think I’ll just stay home.”

“Really?” George did the little frown he’d use when he didn’t get his way. It always made Brian smile. He didn't this time.

“Yeah, but I will stay and watch you lot work.”

“You can stay in this room if you’d like.” Paul offered.

“I’ll like that.”

And so Brian watch as the band did their harmonies for the song all day. It’s what Brian truly needed.

 

The Beatles left to go to India and Brian regrets that he didn’t go. It was a while since they all was on holiday. Maybe next time. Brian had invited his assistant to Kingsley Hill for a holiday weekend as the boys were away. He also asked another assistant to come, and to bring along a mutual friend, however, both women were busy and declined Epstein's offer. But Brian still left London on the afternoon of Friday 25 August. He invited his date to come as well but he didn’t show. He felt horrible after that. He couldn’t even bring his date to come with him. By the time it was dinner he had already drank three beers straight. He drove back to London. Brian called his friends back in Kingsley Hill.

“Brian? Where’d you go?”

“Home.”

“Why?”

“I’m lonely.”

“But-”

“I’m sorry for leaving and please don’t worry about me. I thought I needed this break but I guess not. Have fun without me.” Brian hung up, leaving a confused assistant on the other line.

Brian slumped on his bed he couldn’t sleep. He needs to sleep. He needs his pills. He swallowed one, then two, then three and washed it down with alcohol, then three more. The pain that once burned faded away to an icy numbness. Black filled the edges of his vision and the only thing he could hear was his heart. His breath turned into, shallow gasps. Seconds passed, he heard voices. He closed his eyes. His fragile heart beats one more time.

  
  


George’s hands were shaking as he slowly wrapped the single chrysanthemum onto the newspaper. He concentrated as he wrote the a note on paper. He wiped away his tears as he passed the note around for the rest to sign.

“This isn’t fair. Why can’t we go to the funeral?” Paul asked, sniffling.

“Paul we’ve been through this. It’s just Brian’s family and closest friends.” Ringo looked down.

“We are his closest friends.” 

“And fans will ruin the funeral if they see us. Listen lads, we all know Brian loved us. I think it’s for the best that we don’t go.”

“George a word?” John asked.

“Sure.” George followed John outside his house.

“Do you think we could’ve done something? We should’ve asked more, change his mind or something.”

“John, there’s nothing we could’ve done. That’s just how life goes.” There was a long silence. 

“How come everyone I love, dies?” 

“John-”

“Mum and now Eppy? Am I a cursed!?” John shouted.

“John, I love you and I’m still here! This situation is so messed up but don’t you dare think this is your fault!” George pulls John into a hug. “We’re going to get through this, I promise.” 

They both said nothing. When the words would not come, the tears did. The numbness of their loss had passed, and the pain hit them out of nowhere, they both fell to their knees and racked their body with sobs.

**Author's Note:**

> Did you like it? :)


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